I just observe that friendships that only exist due to common negative interests won’t last long. I had once committed the mistake on building such and have now been reaping the negative consequences of that poor choice.
I’ve listened to another friend’s complaint against someone. My fault is that I succumb to pity and I was caught off guard and immediately jumped into conclusion that the person talk against was wrong. I began to dislike her and I kept her at distance.
Soon miscommunication and conflict arose. I found myself on a cold war with her. It was an awful experience.
Remembering this failed relationship brings discomfort but I’m wiser to exercise these three rules now:
1. Don’t listen to gossip
While we need people to share our issues with, having particular issue with someone should be dealt by confronting the person face-to-face rather than share our displeasure to someone else. A limit should be set in that the affected party should approach and settle with the supposed offending party. Do not tolerate the conversation if it leads to gossip. Gossip breaks relationship and is the most cost-efficient way to destroying somebody else’s reputation. Remember that those who gossip and complain are basically insecure. Who knows? They insinuated what happened to them and usually those who complain first are the guiltier ones. Be careful because if that person had something to say against someone, what’s the assurance that he or she won’t talk behind your back in case misunderstanding occurs as it often does?
2. Give the benefit of a doubt
We are all imperfect and unless evidence is shown one shouldn’t conclude someone yet and condemn. Think what would you feel if these things be done to you– misunderstood, misperceived, misjudged? It would left you scarred for the rest of your life. Better give people a chance and learn both sides of the story in order to judge fairly. Remember, don’t just take things at face value. Dig deeper truths.
3. Avoid negative stress
Have you noticed when someone shares negative thoughts to you? Don’t you feel negative too? Don’t you get discouraged and stressed as well? And confused? It’s good if you are unaffected but if you are very sensitive like I was, they can get into you. Sometimes their words would deform your perception of someone and distort your relating to them. To avoid this, better not listen to negative talks. Stand your ground that you rather mind your own business than meddle with that stressful activity. Keep in mind that people are mean only when they are threatened. So choose the thoughts that won’t pollute your mind and rather lean to those more positive and encouraging ones. We only have one life to live. Choose to live stress-free.
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